Merry Christmas to All My Family and Friends Gif

'Twas the Night Before�

Following are a multitude of variations on the theme
of the famous Christmas poem.

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'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(A Visit from St. Nicholas)

past Clement Clarke Moore

T was the night before Christmas, when all through the business firm
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung past the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of carbohydrate-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her �kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had but settled down for a long wintertime's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to come across what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the chest of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-mean solar day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should announced,
Just a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must exist St Nick.
More than rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them past name!

"At present Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

Equally dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they run across with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St Nicholas as well.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his pes,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A package of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked similar a peddler, only opening his pack.

His optics�how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll trivial rima oris was drawn upwardly like a bow,
And the beard of his mentum was equally white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face up and a little round abdomen,
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Presently gave me to know I had cipher to dread.

He spoke non a word, but went straight to his piece of work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a wiggle.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his squad gave a whistle,
And abroad they all flew like the down of a thistle.
Merely I heard him exclaim, �ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good-Night!"

public domain

---

The Dark Before Christmas
A more spiritual version of the famous Christmas story

By: Sister St. Thomas, B.N.D. de Due north

T was the night earlier Christmas, and all through the town,
St. Joseph was searching, walking up roads and downward;
Our Lady was waiting, so meek and so mild,
While Joseph was seeking a place for the Child.

The children were nestled, each snug in their beds,
The grown-ups wouldn't bother, there'due south no room they said;
When even the innkeeper sent them abroad,
Joseph was wondering, where they would stay.

He thought of the caves in the side of the hills,
Lets go there said Mary, information technology's silent and still;
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Made pathways of light for their tired anxiety to become.

And there in a cave, in a cradle of hay,
Our Savior was born on that offset Christmas Mean solar day!
The Father was watching in sky higher up,
He sent for His angels, His couriers of honey.

More rapid than eagles God's bright angels came;
Rejoicing and eager as each heard his name;
Come Power, Come Cherubs, Come up Virtues, Come Raphael,
Come Thrones and Dominions, come Michael and Gabriel.

Now fly to the World, where My poor people live,
Announce the glad tiding My Son comes to give;
The Shepherds were watching their flocks on this night,
And saw in the heavens and unearthly low-cal.

The Angels assured them, they'd nothing to fear,
It'southward Christmas they said, the Savior is here!
They hastened to discover Him, and stood at the door,
Till Mary invited them in to admire.

He was swaddled in bands from His caput to His feet,
Never did the Shepherds see a baby so sweet!
He spoke not a give-and-take, merely the shepherds all knew,
He was telling them secrets and approval them as well.

And then softly they left Him, The Infant in the hay,
And rejoiced with great joy on that get-go Christmas Day;
Mary heard them exclaim as they walked upwardly the hill,
Glory to God in the Highest, Peace to men of expert will!

---

Twas The Dark Before Jesus Came

Anonymous

T was the nighttime before Jesus came and all through the house
not a brute was praying, not 1 in the house.
Their bibles were lain on the shelf without care,
in hopes that Jesus would not come there.

The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
not once ever kneeling or bowing a head;
And mom in her rocker with baby on her lap,
was watching the late show while I took a nap;

When out of the East in that location arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter;
Abroad to the window I flew like a flash,
threw open the shutters and threw upward the sash.

The light of His face made me encompass my head,
it was Jesus returning, just similar He said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.

In the book of life, which He held in His mitt,
was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name,
when He said, "It's not hither!" my caput hung in shame.

The people whose names had been written with love,
He gathered to accept to His Male parent above.
With those who were fix He rose without a sound,
while all the residuum were left standing effectually.

I fell to my knees, but it was too late:
I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried every bit they rose out of sight.
Oh, if only I had been set up this evening.

In the words of this verse form the meaning is clear,
the coming of Jesus is cartoon near.
There's merely one life and when the terminal name is called,
we'll detect that the bible was true afterward all.

---

Tis the Month Before Christmas

T is the calendar month before Christmas, we're all going basics;
With then much to do, at that place'southward no ifs, ands or buts.
Buy presents, hang tree lights, pop cards in the mail service,
Send gift packs, thread popcorn, find turkeys on sale.

Decorations demand stringing up all through the house.
And you haven't a clue what to buy for your spouse.
School concerts, receptions, open up houses with friends,
Long lineups, short tempers, tying up the loose ends.

With all our mad dashing, we're reeling from shock;
Let's stop for a minute and really accept stock.
It's crassly commercial, the cynical say;
If that'southward truthful, that our mistake-it'south us and not they.

Accept time for yourself-though hard every bit that seems�
Relish your kids' laughter, excitement and dreams.
Take a moment out now, don't go overly riled,
Instead make an angel in snow with your child.

The shortbread can wait, and and so tin can the tree;
What's important to feel is a child's sense of glee.
The holidays aren't most push, rush and shove;
They're for friendship and sharing and family unit love.

Hear the bells, feel the warmth, light upwards with the glow
Of a message first sent to us so long ago:
Peace, beloved and goodwill, and hope burning bright.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a skillful nighttime!

---

The Real Night Before Christmas
(By Parents)

T was the night before Christmas
when all through the house
I searched for the tools
to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied
and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage
"Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to kick!
And now, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes,
my heart skipped a beat out�
let no parts be missing
or parts incomplete!

Besides late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it correct, it goes straight to the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should announced
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but non clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only nosotros could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered nigh.

"At present bolt it! At present twist information technology! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand up."
"Honey," said hubby, "you simply glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve dark
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our piece of work,
till our optics, they went blurry; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went common cold and the night, it wore thin
earlier nosotros attached the last rod and terminal pin.

Then laying the tools abroad in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This volition be the all-time Christmas, without any uncertainty.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, permit the holiday band,
and non run to the store for one unmarried thing!
We did it! Nosotros did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most magical, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sugariness serenity
I gratefully went, though I suppose
there'southward something to say for those cocky-deluded�
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

---

The Night Earlier Christmas,
Legally Speaking

W hereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a sure improved slice of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, just non limited to a mouse.

A diverseness of foot apparel, e.m. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/thousand/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The pocket-sized residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their private beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first office (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-possessor in fee simple of the Firm with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in diverse forms of headgear, due east.k. kerchief and cap.)

Of a sudden, and without prior discover or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the start office did immediately rush to a window in the Business firm to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that fourth dimension, the political party of the first part did find, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or fatigued very apace through the air by approximately eight (viii) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific management, education and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, information technology is farther asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may accept been involved.)

The party of the first office witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House,and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Of a sudden, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said Business firm via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur adapt, which was partially covered with balance from the chimney, and he carried a big sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipage in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, only immediately began to make full the stocking of the minor children, which hung next to the chimney, with toys and other small-scale gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served equally "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said Firm, the political party of the commencement function did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a skillful nighttime!" Or words to that consequence.

Respectfully Submitted, south./ The Grinch, Esq.

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Twas the Night Before Christmas
Politically Correct

T was the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck�
How to live in a globe that's politically right?
His workers no longer would respond to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor weather condition at the north pole
Were alleged past the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds past the Humane Lodge.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had improve not use but reindeer.
And then Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with iv pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed unsafe by the E.P.A.
And people had started to telephone call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed cherry-red suit was chosen "Unenlightened."
And to show y'all the strangeness of life'southward ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized apply of his olfactory organ

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Enervating millions in over-due compensation.
So, one-half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her championship was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a option could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nix for him. And nothing for her.
Zilch that might exist construed to pollute.
Null to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nil for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Zippo that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No processed or sweets�they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not all the same forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off subconscious.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only proficient souvenir was one ecological.
No baseball game, no football�someone could get hurt;
Also, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your unabridged brain away.
So Santa just stood in that location, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not effigy out what to practise side by side.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
Merely you've got to be conscientious with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Cipher fully acceptable was to exist found.

Something special was needed, a souvenir that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere�even you.
So here is that gift, it'south price beyond worth�
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Notice: This poem is copyright �1992 past Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu .

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�Twas the Night Earlier Christmas,
Jingle Gates

past Chet Raymo

T was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a brute was stirring, except Papa�s mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-infinitesimal Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung past the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

Dark Forces for Baton, and Doom II for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The messages to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa�south workshop has been bought past Beak Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

Afterwards centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny ruby Porsche in the identify of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that�s simply downwardly the mode

From where Bill has his mansion. The old young man preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or tin soldiers or fiddling toy drums
Will be nether the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More than rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them past name.
"At present, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! all of you are through.

Information technology is Microsoft�s SANTA that the kids can�t resist,
It�s the ultimate software with a traditional twist�
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the bundle, a picture show of Santa himself.

Become �em young, keep �em long, is Microsoft�s scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer�southward dream.
To the tiptop of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash abroad�wow!"

And Mama in her �kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled downward for a long winter�south nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter,

As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Beak Gates
Side by side to jolly erstwhile Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice and so brilliant,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A Skillful NIGHT.

---

Twas the Night!

Past L. Daniel Quinn

T was the night before Th
And poor Cloudless Moore
Had his poem being copied
Past many a diameter

His "Dark Earlier Christmas"
Is perfect in rhyme
His rhythm and cadence
Are wonderfully fine.

But and so come the wise guys
With Internet cool
Who employ Cloudless'due south rhyme
Every bit sort of a tool

They option up the style
From this poem of "that nighttime"
And they hitch up their sled
to whatever's their gripe.

Now I'm not even proverb
That there'south something not right
Past using Moore's poem
To carry a fight.

I guess my complaint
Is non in their chore
Simply the number of times
they steal from Clem Moore.

So I say to yous all
As I shut down this gripe
"Merry Christmas to All
And to All a Skillful Night!"

---

Tejano Night Earlier Christmas

'Twas the nighttime earlier Christmas and all through the casa,
Not a creature was stirring -- Caramba! Que pasa?
Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
Some in camisas and some in pijamas,

While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
In hopes that sometime Santa would feel obligado
To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.

Exterior in the yard there arose such a grito
That I jumped to my feet like a frightened cabrito.
I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
And who in the world exercise yous recollect quien era?

Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero
Came dashing forth like a crazy bombero.
And pulling his sleigh instead of venados
Were eight picayune burros approaching volados.

I watched equally they came and this quaint little hombre
Was shouting and whistling and calling past nombre
"Ay Pancho, ay Pepe, ay Chucho, ay Beto,
Ay Chato, ay Chopo, Macuco, y Nieto!"

Then continuing erect with his hands on his pecho
He flew to the top of our very own techo.
With his circular niggling belly like a bowl of jalea,
He struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea,

then huffing and puffing at last in our sala,
With soot smeared all over his red suit de gala,
He filled all the stockings with lovely regalos--
For none of the ninos had been very malos.

So chuckling aloud, seeming very contento,
He turned like a wink and was gone similar the viento.
And I heard him exclaim, and this is verdad,
Merry Christmas to all, and Feliz Navidad!

---

'Twas The Mean solar day After Christmas

Writer Unknown

Twas the day afterwards Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting--even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons only covered the floor,
While upstairs the family unit continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to make clean.

When out on the lawn in that location arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew similar a wink,
Tore open up the defunction, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should announced,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was grinning, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned similar a fox
Then speedily he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Nib later on bill, after pecker, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he chosen them by name:

"Now Dillard'south, now Broadway'southward, now Penny's and Sears
Hither's Levitz'due south and Target'southward and Mervyn's--all here!!
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled equally he finished his piece of work.
He filled upwardly the box, and and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove downwards the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

And so I heard him exclaim with cracking vacation cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT�YOU'LL Be PAYING ALL YEAR!"

---

Twas the Month After Christmas

T was the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not fifty-fifty a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales at that place arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd call back the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beefiness nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the breadstuff and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my married man'south old shirt
And prepared once over again to do battle with dirt�

I said to myself, equally I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised every bit a man!"
And so�away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit block, every cracker and chip

Every last scrap of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't accept a cookie�non even a lick.
I'll desire but to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a diameter�
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New year's day to all and to all a skillful diet!

---

Twas the Night Earlier Finals

T was the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last infinitesimal knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns, a few were however drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen up their thinking.
In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreaded exams I soon would exist facing.

My roommate was speechless, his olfactory organ in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I but couldn�t report.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
Just each place I chosen refused to deliver.

I�d most concluded that life was besides cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in schoolhouse.
When all all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless, her style was mellow,
She wore a white toga, she started to bellow:
"What kind of pupil would brand such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at u.s.?"

"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On last yr�s exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and last minute crams!"
Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But nosotros heard her laughing outside in the dark.

"Your teachers accept pegged you, and then only do your best.
Happy finals to all, and to all, a good examination!"

via http://laugh-a-lot.com/
Original Source unknown

---

Twas Three Days Before Christmas

Paula Siminski-Christmas '97

T 'was three days before Christmas and all through the house
Not a person was helping, not fifty-fifty my spouse�
The children were restless and what made it worse�
I at my computer typed nonsensical poetry!

When what to my poor bloodshot eyes did I see,
Just the calendar with iii days left glaring at me!!
So off to the kitchen I flew like a flash�
Tore open the cupboards and made a made nuance�

Baking my cookies and stirring my fudge,
Dozing past the sink till someone gave me a nudge!
I all the same have the nowadays to wrap, and bows to tie
and the house is a disaster I idea with a sigh�

I looked 'round at the mayhem and thought to myself�
Adjacent year will be dissimilar�I'll organize myself!!
I laughed when I heard the traditional phrase
That was made every year and forgot in just days�

Then to all those who know me I have one thing to say�
Merry Christmas to all�
Only DON'T Make it MY Way!!!

---

The Internet Before Christmas

past Jim Trudeau & Jay Trudeau (1991)
With apologies to Cloudless C. Moore

T was the night earlier Christmas and all through the nets
Not a mousie was stirring, not even the pets.
The floppies were stacked by the modem with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would exist there.
The files were nestled all snug in a folder
The screen saver turned on, the weather was colder.

And leaving the keyboard forth with my mouse
I turned from the screen to the residual of the firm.
When upwards from the drive there arose such a clatter
I turned to the screen to see what was the matter.
Abroad to the mouse I flew like a wink,
Zoomed open a window in fear of a crash

�

The glow from the screen on the keyboard below
Gave an electronic luster to all my macros.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a piffling sleigh icon with eight tiny reindeer
And a tiny deejay commuter so SCSI and quick
I knew in a nano it must exist Saint Nick.

More rapid than trackballs his cursors they came,
He whistled and shouted and FAXed them by name.
"Now Flasher! At present Dasher! Now Raster and Bixel!
On Phosphor! On Photon! On Baudrate and Pixel!
To the top of the stack. To the top of the heap."
Then each little reindeer made a soft beep.

Equally information that before the wild electrons fly,
When they run across with a node, mountain to the drive,
So up to the screentop the cursors they flew
With a sleigh full of disks and databits, too.
And so in a twinkling I heard the loftier whine
Of a modem connecting at a baud rate so fine.

As I gazed at the screen with a puzzling pout
St. Nicholas logged on though I idea I was down.
He was dressed all in bytes from header to footer
And the words on the screen said "Don't you reboot 'er."
A packet of bits he had flung on his dorsum
And he looked similar a developer starting his hack.

His eyes how they glazed, his pilus was so scary,
His cola was Jolt, not flavored with blood-red.
His droll fiddling mouth was drawn up like a GIF
And the pixels of his beard sure gave me a lift.
The stump of a routine he held tight in his lawmaking
And I knew he had made it past the last node.

He spoke not a discussion but looked correct at me
And I saw in a flash his file was .(dot)Bounding main.
He self-decompressed and I watched him unfold,
Into a jolly former elf, a sight to behold.
And the whispering audio of my hard drive'south caput
Shortly gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He went directly to his work without saying a discussion
And filled all the folders of this happy nerd.
And 'tis the whole truth, as the story is told,
That giving a nod up the window he scrolled,
He sprang to the serial port as if truly on burn
And away they all flew down the thin copper wire.

Merely I heard him exclaim as he scrolled out of sight
"Happy Christmas to All, and to all a good night."

---

Twas the Dark Before Y2K

T was the night earlier Y2K, and all through the nation,
Nosotros awaited The Bug, the millennium awareness.
The chips were replaced in computers with care,
In hopes that ol� Bugsy wouldn�t stop there.

While some folks slept soundly, snug in their beds,
others had visions of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC and I with my Mac
had but logged on the Net and kicked dorsum with a snack.

When over the server there arose such a clatter,
I called Mister Gates to see what was the matter.
Just he was abroad, then I flew like a flash,
off to my bank to withdraw all my greenbacks.

When what with my wandering eyes should I see?
My good old Mac screen looked eerie to me.
The hack of all hackers leered in that location and so smug,
I knew and so it must be the Y2K Problems!!!

His paradigm downloaded in no fourth dimension at all,
he whistled and shouted,
"Let all systems fall!!"
Go Intel! Become Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compaq,
and Pentium, too!
All processors big, all processors small,

At present crash away! Crash abroad! Crash away all!!"
All the controls that planes need for their flights,
all microwaves, trains, and all traffic lights.
As I drew in my breath and was turning around,
Out through the modem, he came with a bound.

He was covered with fur, and slung on his back
was a sackful of viruses, gear up for attack.
His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
As midnight approached, though, things before long became scary.

He had a wide picayune face and a round niggling abdomen,
and his sackful of viruses quivered like jelly.
He was chubby and plump, perpetually grinning,
and I laughed when I saw him�
though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his center, and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know a new feeling of dread.
He spoke not a discussion, only went straight to his work,
he changed all the clocks, then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his olfactory organ, and a quick piddling wink,
All things electronic soon went on the glimmer.
He zoomed from my system, to the adjacent folks on line,
he acquired such a disruption, could this exist a sign?

And so I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty weep,
"Happy Y2K to all,
Kiss your PCs good-bye!!!"

---

'Twas the Night Before Christmas
in Brooklyn 2 (The Don)

T was the dark before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Non a brute was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When upward on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep information technology down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should announced,
Just da Don of all elfs,
And viii friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Christopher wuz hither,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem past proper name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

Every bit I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da hell you lot doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And upwardly da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Abroad dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And y'all meliorate show some respect!"

---

'Twas the Nighttime of Christmas Leftovers

'Twas the night of Christmas,
Merely I simply couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The idea of a snack became infatuation!
So I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge total of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling and then plump and then circular,
Till all all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!!

I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell
as I soared by the copse ...

HAPPY EATING TO ALL,
PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!

---

rogerssheire.blogspot.com

Source: http://www.appleseeds.org/twas-night_vers.htm

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